Every formal night, there is a special table at the good end of a cruise ship’s dining room with some special invitees. It’s the Captain’s Table. The social hostess arranges the seating, the wine is freely poured, and the Captain grandly hosts his guests. Who are these people?

They are important travel agents, perhaps the leader of a large group on board, loyal repeat guests who have sailed a significant amount of times, and sometimes (when there’s a shortage of important people) a travel writer. On some lines the makeup of the table is done by the Captain himself, on others that duty falls to the Maitre D’.

My first Captain’s Table seating was a New Year’s Eve. The captain sat directly across from me and topping off his uniform was a silly stiff paper hat, a tight elastic strap under his chin holding the upside down cone in place. OK, I’m going to say it. He looked stupid. The British woman next to me told me I had to put my hat on or I would insult the Captain. The invitation hadn’t said and “wear a silly hat”, but I did as told. The elastic made it hard to chew.

The largest Captain’s Table was on a World Cruise. it consisted of four long tables that formed a square with a large space in the center. It was impossible to talk to the Captain unless you were sitting next to him. I was not, This was about a six course dinner, and the Maitre d’ rang a huge gong to announce each course. Seeing as some of the diners were quite old, they tended to fall asleep between courses, and, when the gong gonged, the somnolent ones jumped several inches off their chairs. Watching the Maitre d’ approach the gong, and then the aftermath, was my entertainment for the evening.

One Captain with whom I sat on two different cruises, told basically the same stories and tolerated no interruption. A whispered “please pass the salt” to a tablemate, got an upraised hand, palm forward, and a stern “listen” from the Captain. He actually was charming, but the second time around, I had a hard time overcoming the urge to give away his punch lines. And I never did get the salt.

My favorite was the Captain who firmly tapped each of his rolls on the table. When I asked him what he was doing, he blushed and shyly admitted he was a former freighter Captain, and while the cruise line had given him an etiquette course on hosting passengers, he had yet to overcome the habit of tapping his rolls in order to get the weevils out. Now, when at a formal Captain’s dinner, I always tap my rolls. Deep down inside, I’m hoping for a weevil.

I’m not sure what it is about my quirky nature that makes me just want to say “no’ to the Captain’s Table invite. To tell the truth, I simply don’t know how to do it without getting on someone’s walk-the-plank list. But, if you see me with an invitation clutched in my fist, take it. I’ll never tell.

This was my third time visiting Tahiti by ship, but this was the first time I felt that I was actually a part of Tahiti. I was on Star Flyer, one of three tall ships operated by Star Clippers. Flyer is 360 feet long (imagine a football field and a half); now look at the 36,000 sq. ft. of sails billowing on four masts as high as 226 ft.

You are in Tahiti, you are silently sailing, and there are 71 crewmembers to keep you and the other 169 passengers in high spirits. Oops, 72 crew, I forgot the cook who is one of the best you’ll find on any ship. Breakfast on Star Flyer is quite an enterprise with all kinds of fruit, pancakes, waffles, eggs, an omelet station, and even two kinds of bacon; crisp and bendable. Dinner has excellent choices all previewed in serving dishes along with the menu. What you see is what you’ll get.

Then to the dining room.

Star Flyer is a sailboat, and the only time you’ll hear the engine is when the wind is 180 degrees to the bow. Otherwise it’s the lapping of the waves, and once in a while the “oohs” and “ahhs” of passengers watching the dolphins cavort alongside. With a lower cabin, you’ll be able to look straight at them from your porthole.

The cabins are functional, not plushy, but for me, this added to the sailing adventure.And if you want, (I didn’t), you can climb to the crow’s nest to see the top of more water.

At each port, Star Flyer offered beach barbeques on isolated motus or, at the larger islands, tours. My favorites were the ones in Huahine and Moorea.

Huahine itself is actually two islands interconnected by a bridge, known as Huahine-Nui and Huahine-Iti (Big Huahine and Little Huahine). Crossing the bridge we saw ancient fish traps that shut fish in a small pool for easy pickings. It all works with the tide. Tide in; fish in. Tide out; trap closes, fish stay.

A few hundred feet from the traps we caught a look at a Tahitian home overlooking the water.

Our guide, Jeremy, must have had the same glimpse years ago, but he saw a Tahitian maiden on the porch. An American, he came to Tahiti, married that Tahitian woman, and started a guide business. He probably knows more about the island than the natives.

At times, Jeremy would stop our 4 wheeler and pick a piece of fruit here, a nut there, and flowers. When squeezed, one hard skinned fruit would drip a fluid that would cure and remove the pain of a scorpion sting or a mosquito bite. I asked why this hadn’t been developed for the world market, and he answered, “Why?” I took that to mean they had what was needed on Huahine and wanted it to stay as it was, relaxed and stress free.

Perhaps an indication of the remoteness he was describing came with our visit to a vanilla vendor.

Jeremy said that the Reagan White House bought its vanilla solely from this one vendor. He was a man with no teeth who didn’t speak.

I don’t know much about vanilla, but this is supposed to be about the best available anywhere.

We went from vanilla to blue eyed freshwater eels. An eel entrepreneur put some bait in the water and upstream they came; blue eyed black eels who looked like they’d been using Plus White toothpaste.

By the way, you may have noticed that I have not translated Huahine. Wikipedia does, but then Wikipedia is not a family magazine. I can, however, translate Moorea, a favorite honeymoon destination. You can tell all the folks back home that you spent a glorious honeymoon on Yellow Lizard.

In Moorea I joined a group for an ATV adventure. At 8:30, the tender took us to the pier, where a van was waiting to take us to the ATV headquarters. After signing some “nothing is management’s fault” papers and showing our driver’s licenses, we were each checked out on how to operate an ATV. Actually, there wasn’t much to learn; they’re simple to manage.

“Here’s the brake, here’s the throttle, here’s the key, have a good time.”

As I’ve mentioned, this is not my first trip to Moorea, but it’s been the best. Our tour took us to the interior of the island, an area that most tourists don’t see. We went off the main road, up an access road, and from then on it was dirt trails.

We saw pineapple fields,

unusual flower blossoms, and felt completely isolated in the lush surroundings.

The peak of the tour was, well, a peak. We drove, then hiked and came to the crest of Magic Mountain. The view was awesome. Star Flyer, alone in the bay, particularly striking.

You must make this part of your trip to Moorea. www.atvmoorea.com.

Perhaps the most famous island of all is Bora Bora. It was here that we swam with the rays and the sharks. Our launch took us to a sand spit some distance away, where the water was about 3’ to 4’ deep. The Tahitian guide dropped a few pieces of fish in the water, and Stingrays came gliding through the crystal clear water. There were about fifteen or so a couple of feet in diameter. This was not like Grand Cayman’s Stingray city where there’s a gang of boats and a horde of people. It was just us and the rays.

To feed a ray, you take a hunk of raw fish, make a fist, and put the bait between the thumb and forefinger. The Stingray has a mouth on the underside of its body. No teeth, but amazing suction. If a vacuum company could duplicate it, they’d make millions. But then I guess you’d feel silly feeding raw fish to a vacuum.

Our next stop was on the other side of the reef. Again pieces of fish hit the water and quickly disappeared into the mouths of white tipped reef sharks and one lemon shark, obviously the boss.

Mask on, snorkel in mouth, into the water I went. After I splashed in, the sharks didn’t hang around the surface, but were not too far below, and easy to see through the mask. They don’t seem scary at all until they turn in your direction. Wipe that smile off your face Sharky.

This great tour ended with a cruise to a Motu for more snorkeling, freshly picked bananas, and after a quick climb by one of the Tahitian guides, coconuts tossed from the tree.

Note: All Tahitian guides are young, muscular, with very white teeth. (This tooth thing is getting on my nerves.)

Note: All Tahitian guides called me “Papa”, showing respect for an elderly grandfather.

Note: Enough “Papa” already! That was me with the sharks!!!

That evening, Star Flyer provided a tender to the dock at Bloody Mary’s, a funky restaurant where each evening (except Sundays), the daily catch of the local fishermen is displayed on ice. Pick it out and it’s yours. It’s truly a fine dining experience, which has, besides good tasty food, an astounding Bloody Mary mix. I’ve talked to the owner who tells me that he can’t bottle it for export as it has to be fresh. I love this line from their website; “The BAR Opens around 9:30 AM (Depending on how much fun we had last night)”.

Star Flyer is an experience all its own. You’ll meet adventure cruisers who have done it all, and honeymoon couples who have, oh well, never mind. It’s easy for me to say Star Flyer is Tahiti. From stepping on Air Tahiti Nui to waiting in the LAX baggage area at home, this added up to one of the best cruise experiences I’ve had.

Hurry though, as Star Flyer is leaving Tahiti in February 2010. Sad as that is, the departure will be an exciting, but long cruise (34 nights), from Papeete, Tahiti to Balboa, Panama.

If you have the time, do not miss this one! Check out www.starclippers.com. Unfortunately you’ll not sail through the Panama Canal on this one, but keep checking. I’m sure that Canal trip will soon be posted.

M?uruuru, Star Flyer.

Review of last night’s show. At least the first 20 minutes. The funniest part of David Levesque’s act was his bio. He was OK, and he played the violin while he danced on stage and ran around the audience, kind of messing with them. He ran up the stairs to the balcony, still playing. His one line while I was still there was:

Did you hear about the problem on the main deck last night? About two in the morning some guy was yelling, “No, no, make it stop!” and banging on the wall. But I kept practicing.

Here’s the thing. He was more vaudevillian than a “today” comic. Fun act I guess, but not enough fun for me to hang out in the theater.

The best Internet package is $100 for 250 minutes, making it 40 cents a minute. That’s the most expensive Internet I’ve encountered on a cruise ship. I think I’ll save the ship pictures for after I get back home and don’t have to worry about “by the minute” charges.

Things we liked:

Service in the main dining room could not have been better.

Food was good. Last night I ordered seared tuna steak, rare. It was perfectly cooked, and exactly as rare as I like it. Hooray for the Chef!

The Lido has close to the same menu as the Vista Dining room. One side has tablecloths and waiter service. That side is $2.50 per person for a tip. The other side, same food, no tablecloths. A sign says crew only, but no one, neither crew nor passenger pays it any attention.

The elevators are fast and waiting time is minimal.

Things that were bothersome:

More than a few lounge chair cushions had rips in them.

The outside tables, set up for lunch, were not wiped after use. Michael got that attended to, but it took two days.

Tonight’s show features the “Electrifying Elvy Rose”. According to her bio, “She has been in the business for over 20 years, and depending upon the make-up of her audience, can change her show at will to accommodate. She sings in many styles ranging from Swing to Contemporary, Country Western to Theater, not to mention French, Portuguese and Spanish.” What? No violin?

Be home Wednesday around 11 AM.

Last night I watched as our barometer kept rising. This morning it was still rising. High pressure and that meant no wind at Tehuantepec and no waves. It was as calm as a bathtub with no grandchildren in it.

Tonight’s show is David Levesque. This is his bio:

“David Levesque was born at an early age in Clearwater, Florida because he wanted to be close to his mother. When he was ten years old, his parents gave him a violin (they told him it was a poodle), and he was soon earning a living by his skill, as his neighbors paid him not to practice. At the age of 15, he won first prize, although unfortunately it wasn’t for playing the violin. Since choosing to follow the sea (or was it the C sharp?), David’s unique blend of music and comedy has delighted audiences around the world and in parts of New Jersey.

Please note; part of tonight’s performances may be closer than they appear.”

Now, I don’t much like the violin, but I’m not going to miss tonight’s show. After all I am from New Jersey.

Not much more to report on a sea day. Three more to go. Tomorrow we’ll get some photos from around the Zuiderdam.

We are now in one of the busiest and most modern ports in Central America. It is certainly not the prettiest.

The info on Puerto Quetzal said, “Shop until you drop at the pier side market. Look for handmade crafts.” Yup, they were there all right.

I wonder if there is a machine that turns them out with just enough slight faults to make them look authentic.

Although I must say I loved the giraffes.

And to put a lie to it all, Michael found this lovely girl making what looked to be a small hammock.

She then found another small child that wanted nothing more than to be home and not in the hot pergola with her madre.

Now, about the “until you drop” suggestion. I thought that was just a figure of speech until I realized 90 degree temperatures and 80% humidity gave it an entirely different relevance. One shopper dropped in a sitting position.

And “pier side”? Well, that turned out to be a 10 minute bus ride

on a dirt road through the bush.

The ship at the “pier” was The World, which sells private condos and travels, well, the world.

I wonder how the World’s condo owners will relate to Puerto Quetzal.

We shopped, but did not drop…….nor buy. The vendors were not pushy and seemed like a nice group. Interesting to me was that at 1 o’clock, each and every vendor ate lunch at their individual booth.

I learned the Spanish pronunciation of Guatemala. It is Gua^te^mala. Unless, as the English say, he was pulling my Jodhpur.

When we got back to the ship we were wiped. Dinner was in the cabin while we watched International CNN celebrate Obama’s first 100 days three days late; over and over.

We will now be at sea for four days until we get to LA. Before we pass Acapulco we’ll be crossing the Gulf of Tehuantepec, or as the Navigator wrote, the “Golf” of Tehuantepec. Should I be worried about sand traps?

This may be very exciting. There is a valley between the mountains and, if there is high pressure on the Atlantic side and low pressure on the Pacific side, the winds whipping through can get up to 50 miles an hour. That makes for a rough sea, and at last it may feel as if this is a ship rather than a slightly nervous hotel. I have been through the area when waves were 25 feet high. I’m hoping the same will develop and so then will great photos.

Tomorrow at Sea

San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua (partly cloudy; pleasant)

After another very good dinner in the Vista Lounge, it was face the watch lady time. Well, not quite, it seems she left a message on our phone that basically said the licensing company said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Are you out of your mind??”

So now it was get 40% off or go home. Well, we are going home so it looked like, if I wanted the watch we’d pay the price. This was for the lower priced watch. The higher priced watch is exactly the same except is titanium, thus lighter. This was of interest because the watch covered my entire small wrist.

We finally bought the more expensive watch at 40% off. I’m still trying to unravel the logic in the entire situation.

San Juan del Sur is not much more than a small village about 14 miles from the Costa Rica border. As we entered the bay, thoughts of living in the hills overlooking the crashing waves came into focus.

Some of the homes looked quite lovely;

all watched over by a statue of Christ.

Zuiderdam operated 5 tenders throughout the day so the only wait was for the tender ahead to clear the local pier, as there was only room for one at a time. As we debarked, the Nicaraguan Nine serenaded us.

Sadly 4 were ill and not there. I am sure they did not have swine flu, but San Juan del Sur is prepared for the pandemic. Anybody ill will be isolated in the Red Cross Cave.

We were mostly confined to a local area of the usual merchants.

To get out and see the town itself, the horse and buggy awaited.

We asked a couple who had toured town this way, and asked them what it was like.

“Small,” they said.

Those who stayed on board were entertained by the bartender.

I wish I knew what drink he was making.

Although the substitute ports so far have offered little to see, I have heard no complaints from passengers. They all seemed relieved.

We sailed at 4 PM for Puerto Quetzal, Guatemala.

Dinner in the Lido last night was delicious. Sitting next to a large window gave us a lovely view of the sunset.

Michael then bargained for the watch in which I am interested. My God, I have some sort of watch thing like women and their shoes. This watch is 40% off, and dollars cheaper than on the Internet. Michael wants 50% off.

The manager had to email the people who supply the store for permission to sell it at that price. We’ll know tonight after we sail.

This morning our mailbox, which was empty last night, contained a letter from the Captain. Apparently the ports in Nicaragua and Guatemala have yet to be confirmed. Bigger news than that was the time change.

“You are reminded to put your clocks and watches back one hour before retiring.” this from the Captain.

As I said, it was in our mailbox this morning and not dated. I wonder how many passengers think it means tonight and not last night.

At any rate, at 9AM this morning it was 94 degrees and HOT.

There is not a lot to Puentarenas. There is a long pier to the shore

where merchants pitch their tents and their wares.

Every three tables had similar items. People were looking but not buying. Two vendors were sound asleep.

Lucky for all of us the long pier was a lot shorter by tram.

At 2:30 the Captain announced that there was no room for us at Corinto, Nicaragua. San Juan del Sur, has vacancy. Tours are now being sold.

CNN is full of flu news, little of it concise, and much of it conjecture.

This morning another letter from the Captain saying that Seattle is trying to determine if the CDC warning to avoid non-essential trips to Mexico included cruise ships. Oh, I see, the question boils down to “essential to whom”. My health or Holland America’s tour operators cash collection.

What the captain avoided telling us was that the Ryndam canceled her call at Mazatlan. One down. We’ll find out more today and I will add to this as we do.

As suspected, at 2 PM…The Captain announced the cancellation of all Mexican ports. Holland America has substituted Puntarenas, Costa Rico; Corinto, Nicaragua; and Puerto Quetzal, Guatamala.

At least my boredom has abated!

There are gatherings in the corridors and at the bars. As far as we can determine, no one seems upset at the changes.

Tonight is The Officer’s Black and White Ball. For us it’s Lido. This is the first Lido Restaurant I remember that serves exactly what is on the main dining room menu.

Tomorrow, Puntarenas

This was a strange day. The beginning of the canal transit was combined with the news of the spreading flu in Mexico and then the earthquake in Mexico City. The cause, I conjectured, was 1000 people sneezing at the same time.

I have been through the canal over 15 times, and have been excited each and every time. This time, for some strange reason, the fascination was diminished. The experience was the same, but actually kind of boring.

Not, however for the land based crowds that watched us pass by.

I do love to see the huge ships below us as we begin our descent to the next level.

Also, for the first time, we saw a long and heavily loaded train making its way on the narrow strip of land.

Many ships too big to access the canal, drop cargo off at the entrances, the train then taking it to a waiting ship on the other side.

New to me also, was an exhibit of the old “donkey” push and puller, in front of which is the newest recently acquired.

Note the two cabins on the old one.

One of the things that has changed is Panama City. It is growing like tall corn.

Tonight I ordered beef rare. Yes, I remembered the rule about rare meat, and fish, and veggie burgers. But, ladies and gentlemen the meat was RARE. Arie, our waiter and I bumped fists. I wonder if I’ve broken through.

When we got back to our cabin there was a letter from the Captain saying not to worry. We would not be put in danger of infection and the infirmary has medicine to treat the Swine Flu. They ought to name this Swine Flu2, as it’s made up of different viral content then the traditional swine flu.

The first time we were in Cartagena, we hired a guide who took us to the depths of Las Murallas; the ancient walls that protected the city. There were slots in the walls for defenders to fire weapons. It was very dark and spooky.

“Don’t worry”, our guide said, “you are safe with me.”

To make his point he took a long barreled revolver out from under his shirt. It was at that point that I began to worry. The next time we arrived at the port there were many armed guards on the dock with AK47’s. I worried.

Today Cartagena is a different city.

Buildings have sprung, only one guard in evidence, and the entrance to the port is lovely.

We were only in port for 6 hours, so Michael and I wondered around the port and shopped at a small boutique. Uncut emeralds were going for over a $1000 at one counter and for $120 at another. It was not possible to tell the difference by looking. I have no idea how to put value on an uncut emerald, but I love the way they look.

One bit of advice; when in Columbia, if you have a phone in your automobile, do not refer to it as a car-tel.

The food is improving, or maybe it’s just me getting used to not eating leftovers. I loved the spinach lasgna and eggplant fritters in Lido for lunch. Dinner was also very good. My first time eating Ox Tail soup.

And of course, Urie was very busy.

I went to the Zuiderdam Production Show. I have a high standard for ship shows. I want there to be some story or connection from one number to the next. The singers were good, the dancers frenetic, and the background voices recorded in Burbank were, well, background. When you go to a ship show, here’s a hint, if there’s no mic showing on someone’s head, that someone, lips moving or not, is not singing.

I have no idea who that is lying on the fkoor or how he got there. Just tired?

We are monitoring CNN to keep up to date on the swine flu. Michael asked the hotel manager what precautions the ship was taking. He said don’t worry about it. It’s only Dengue fever. Just use mosquito repellent.

In the late afternoon, the Captain announced that he was monitoring the CDC and the Seattle ( where Holland America is based) medical staff, and assured us we would not visit any port with infections. Good thing, we’re a bit short on repellent.

In the elevator tonight a man was covering his nose as protection. As he covered it, another man said, “Excuse me.”

Panama Canal Tomorrow